Other funny jokes

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Did you know the most difficult job in the US Military is being a Navy Pilot? I guess it is really hard to make the boats fly!

"How did school go today?" a mother asked her little boy.
"Fine", the little fellow replied.
"We had a new teacher and she wanted to know if I had any brothers and I told her I was an only child".
"What did she say?" his mother asked.
"The teacher said, "Thank goodness".