Other funny jokes

Q: If you have 4 apples and 3 oranges in one hand, and 3 apples and 4 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A: Very large hands!!

Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: To win the no-bell prize.

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: His teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

Money does not buy happiness, but it's better to cry in a sport car than on a bicycle.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said,
"I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah?
Why?" I said,
"Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.