Other funny jokes

Yo mama is so fat she doesn't need the internet. She is already WORLD WIDE!

A husband and wife are eating soup. the wife spills soup all over her and says:
"Oh no, I look like a pig"
"yes and you also have soup all over you!"

Q: What´s the best way to accelerate a mac?
A: 9,81 m/s2 

Two Martini, please!
- Dry?
- Nein, zwei!

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel so well.
Father: Where does it hurt?
Son: In school.

Yo mamma so ugly she scares Chuck Norris!

Teacher: "I killed a person." tell me this sentence in future tense.
Student: In future tense, "You will go to jail."

Q: What do two oceans do when they meet?
A: Nothing! Just wave

A Woman asks a Waiter What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?
The waiter says, "SHIVERING MADAM".