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Funny Animal jokes

My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

7
2017-04-10 12:33:29

Q: Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
A: They are really good at it. 

8
2017-04-10 12:22:36

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "but that would make no sense at all!"

8
2017-02-02 13:17:01

A woman on her way home from market was carrying a duck. A drunk staggered up to her and said ,"Hey! where'd ja get the pig?" The woman replied," You drunken fool, that's no pig -- it's a duck!" And the drunk said," Quiet, I was talking to the duck."

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A farmer was hosting a family feast when suddenly a dinner guest choked on a piece of turkey. The farmer immediately ran to the barn and brought back a cow. The dinner guest was saved. Why? Because the cow gave the guy the Heim Lick Maneuver!

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

There was a Longhorn, Bear, and a Aggie fishing in the Gulf of Mexico, when all of a sudden a hurricane appeared, and dumped the boat over. They have been dangling , hanging on for life, when a genie appeared. The genie said "Y'all have 3 wishes, only 1 wish each". Genie asked what the Longhorn's wish would be. "I wish I was in Austin". POOF!, he went to Austin. The genie asked the bear what his wish was. "I wish I was in Waco". POOF!, he went to Waco. The genie turned to the Aggie and said "Ok, what is your wish"? The Aggie said with concern, "I wish my friends were here"!

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide!

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A thief had just broken into a house where he was certain the owners were gone for the evening, when he heard a very strange voice say: "Jesus is watching you!" He froze for a few seconds and then realized that the voice sounded like a parrot's. Turning his flashlight in the direction of the voice, he indeed saw a parrot in a cage. "Is your name 'Jesus'?" he asked the bird. "My name is 'Moses', asserted the parrot. "Who on Earth would name a parrot 'Moses'?" asked the thief. "The same people who named their Rottweiler 'Jesus'!" replied the parrot.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What did the snail say as he rode on the back of the turtle?
A: Whhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A rooster was strutting around the henhouse one Easter morning and came across a nest of eggs dyed every color of the rainbow. The rooster took one look at the colorful display, ran outside and beat the heck out of the resident peacock.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51