Funny Latest Jokes
A young lawyer who had taken over his father's practice rushed home totally elated.
"Dad, listen, you aren't going to believe this," he said to his father.
"I've finally settled that old Herold suit."
"Settled it!" bellowed his father. "You bumbling idiot! We've been living off of that money for over five years now!"
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.
"My name is Bob. What’s yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tom," replied the second.
"My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My Daddy’s a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape.
"It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us."
The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers ... we had $100 when we broke in!"
Once a lawyer got a jury so confused, they sent the judge to jail.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
Q: What's the difference between lawyers and vultures?
A: Lawyers accumulate frequent-flier points.
Q: What is the proper weight for a lawyer?
A:About 3 pounds, not counting the urn!
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A:To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend’s car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, "What’s happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer". "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood… But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."