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Funny Latest Jokes

Q: What does a vibrator and soybeans have in common?
A: They are both meat substitutes!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

A railway inspector and his friend in a bar chating...
Friend: Why have you got that big smile on your face.
Railway inspector: I just had the best sex of my life!
Friend:with who?
Railway inspector: With this girl I found on the railway tracks.
Friend: Oh yeah! What did she look like?
Railway inspector: She had the most amazing body!
Friend: Oh yeah! But what did she look like?
Railway inspector: She had the most amazing legs!
Friend: But what did she look like?
Railway inspector: She had perfect breasts!
Friend: Yeah but what did she look like!
Railway inspector: Don't know never found the head.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply,
"except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A: Their both empty from the neck up

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Tim: The crime in my neighborhood is really bad.
Robert: How bad is it?
Tim: It’s so bad, the other night I forgot my key to the house and the burglar had to let me in.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

The local police force was looking for a new detective, so a Blonde went in to interview for the job. Okay, honey, the sheriff asked, "what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven", she replied.The sheriff thought to himself, that’s not what I meant, but she’s right.Then the sheriff asked, "what two days of the week start with the letter T?" "Today and tomorrow" she replied. He was again surprised that the Blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. Now, listen carefully, "who killed Martin Luther King?" Asked the sheriff. The Blonde thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted she had no idea. The sheriff replied, "Well, why don’t you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, the Blonde left and went home. When she walked through the door her husband asked her how the interview went? She replied , "It went great! First day on the job and I’m already working on a murder case!"

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A cop stops a drunk wandering the streets at 4 in the morning. “Can you explain why you are out at this hour?” The drunk replies “if I would be able to explain myself, I would have been home by now.”

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike.” The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, “By the way, that’s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” Humoring the kid, the cop says, “Yeah, he sure did.” The kid says, “Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top.”

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town. Everywhere he saw evidences of the most amazing shooting. On trees, on walls, and on fences there were numerous bull’s-eyes with the bullet hole in dead center. The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the village idiot. “This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen,” said the FBI man. “How in the world do you do it?” “Nothing to it,” said the idiot. “I shoot first and draw the circles afterward.”

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What kind of horse has an asshole halfway up its back?
A: A Police horse

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2016-09-14 09:54:51