JOBO - JokeBreak JOBO in profile - JokeBreak

Funny Latest Jokes

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.
'60, died of heart failure whilst making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector', says the Coroner. The Detective is taken to the second dead man.
'25, won the lottery, spent it all on Brandy. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.' 'Nothing unusual here', thinks the Detective, and asks to be shown the last body. 'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one.
30, struck by lightning. 'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Detective. To which the coroner replies : 'Thought he was having his picture taken'.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say "Stop, or I'll say stop again."

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

The sheriff of a small town was also the town’s animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, “Is your husband there?” “Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?” the wife asked. “Both!” was the reply. “We can’t get our dog’s mouth open, and there’s a burglar in it.”

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A Police Officer Just pulled over a man for going 120mph. The police officer has had somewhat of a boring day, so he is excited about being able to a least give a ticket to some one...
The police officer says: "I’ve been waiting for you all day long"
The guy in the car says: "Well, I got here as quick as I could!"

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes officer, I'm just fine!" the blond chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blond began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth".

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license.
Policeman: "Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses." 
Woman: "Well, I have contacts." 
Policeman: "I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!"

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.
"Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?", asked the policeman. Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said
"no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer."
The second followed his lead and said "My names is William, W H Smith."
The third said "My name is Ken... Ken Tuckyfriedchicken!"

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

This guy was working on his car when he got gas on his hand and arm. As he was driving to the Auto Shop to get some more parts, he lit a match, his arm then caught on fire and in a panic he quickly rolled down the window and stuck his arm out to extingish the flame. The police pulled him over for an illegal use of a firearm.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A tourist asks a man in uniform,
"Are you a policeman?" 
"No, I am an undercover detective." 
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51