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Funny Latest Jokes

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up, something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers?
1. How much money do you have?
2. Where can you get more?
3. Do you have anything you can sell?

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three.
The balance are documented case histories.

7
2016-09-14 09:54:51

What's the speed limit of sex?
68 cause at 69 you gotta turn around

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One lady turns and asks,
"Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What is a woman doing when she is staring at a blank piece of paper?
A: Reading Her Rights!

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A senior citizen in Florida bought a brand new Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great," he thought as he roared down I-75. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a highway patrol trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.
"I can get away from him with no problem," thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph! Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.
The trooper pulled in behind the Mercedes and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The man looked at the trooper and said,
"Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida state trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."
The trooper replied, "Sir, have a nice day."

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can go to sleep with the light on.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what number came first.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51