Funny Animal jokes

Bears do not eat bears.
Tigers do not eat tigers.
Dogs do not eat dogs.
Cats stopped eating kebabs.

A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth.
Q: - What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth?
A: - A full bus of old men

Do something with your dog - yesterday he was howling so much, that my daughter had to stop her singing lesson.
Excuse me, but your daughter started this first.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"

I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

Q: What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A:A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe’s first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob’s lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet! After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said
"There was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed."
"So then what did make you scream," Bob asked, exasperated.
"Well," Joe continued, "two squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, "Should we take them home or eat ’em now?"

Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What’s the difference between and dog and a fox?
A: Four beers.

It was a warm, sunny Sunday, so a man and his wife decided to take in the zoo. They spent the day, and at closing time they walked past the gorilla cage, and the man noticed the gorilla looking at his wife.
"That gorilla is getting excited just looking at your tits," he said. "Why don't you take your blouse off and we'll see what he does?" At first she declined. But finally persuaded by her husband, she took off her blouse and bra. The gorilla went nuts. He started grunting and jumping up and down.
"Hey," the husband said, "let's really blow his mind. Take off all your clothes and we'll see what he does." Again she said no and again he persuaded her. This time the ape really went bananas! He climbed up and down the bars, did flips, ran around in circles and tossed his food all over the cage. The husband went over to the cage, opened the door and pushed his wife in.
"Now," said the husband with an evil smile, "tell him you have a headache!"