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Funny Latest Jokes

When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Chuck Norris's cock is so big that 3/4 of it is still technically a virgin.

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Chuck Norris knows who let the dogs out.

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch. One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?" The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No. What did that stupid monkey do this time?" says the patron. "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says the bartender. "Yeah, well I hope it kills him because he's been driving me nuts," says the patron. The guy finishes his drink and leaves. Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs one, sticks it up his butt, then pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender. "Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate that darn cue ball he measures everything first!"

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What’s small and cuddly and bright purple?
A: A koala holding his breath!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you’re a mouse!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: Why are igloos round?
A: So polar bears can’t hide in the corners!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Q: What has six eyes but cannot see?
A: Three blind mice!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.
Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit" Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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2016-09-14 09:54:51