Funny Dirty jokes

Boy in the bath with his mum. Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?" Mum replies, "That is my sponge." "Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.

Q:What's better than Roses on your Piano?
A:Tulips on your Organ.

What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts
What are nuts on a chest? Chestnuts
What are nuts on a chin? Blowjob

Q: How are broccoli and anal sex similar?
A: If you're forced to have it as a kid, you probably won't like it as an adult.

1st man: I made $50.05 giving blow jobs last night.
2nd man: (laughs) Who gave you the nickel?
1st man: Everyone.

Q: What did the dick say to the condom?
A: Cover me, I'm goin in!

Hey dude you shouldn't make fun of Jew's my grandfather died in the Holocaust...
... He fell off the guard tower

Q: What’s worse than waking up with an empty wallet and a sore head?
A: Waking up with a full wallet and a sore ass.

Q: How can you tell when a mechanic has just had sex?
A: One of his fingers is clean.