Funny Dirty jokes

A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers: "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking?
What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? ..."POPCORN"!! What were you thinking?!?!?!

Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

Q: Whats the difference between being hungry and being h*rny?
A: Where you put the cucumber.

Man walks over to a lady in a bar and asks "whats your name ?" 
"Carmen" she replies, "... I like cars and men ! Whats yours ?" The man looks her up and down and sayes "Beerpussy ..."

Based on statistics, the most used s*xual position among married couples is doggy style, the husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Q: Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2 cannibals having dinner.
1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew."
2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

Prostitute in the police station.
The desk officer sayes "so when did you realise you were raped ?"
She replies ... "when the cheque bounced!"

What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women?
Bingo!