Funny Dirty jokes

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"
Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that pussy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her,
"You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after."
She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!"

A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white?"
"Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party ... you are lucky that you not bark!"

An Italian and a Greek were arguing about which country added the most to civilization.
The Greek: We built the Acropolis!
the Italian: We built the colloseum!
The Greek: We gave the world advanced math!
the Italian: We made the Roman Empire!
The Greek: We discovered sex!!
the Italian: And we introduced it to women!!

Q: What do a gynecologist, and a pizza delivery guy have in common?
A: They both can smell it, but they can't eat it!

Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced. Husband says too wife,
"I want my blood back you B*TCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says,
"I will pay you back monthly you B*STARD."

4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left. One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says' "Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."

Boy: "Dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother." 
Santa: "Send me your mother."