Other funny jokes

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that ...

A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."

A guy walked into a bar. He walked out drunk.

Q: What did Zero say to Eight?
A: Nice belt!

Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Son: You said it was my lunch money.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work? A stick.

Q: An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?
A: It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

I was out for a drink with the wife last night and I said,
"I love you".
She asked me, "Is that you or the beer talking"
I said, "It's me........I'm talking to the beer"!

Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
Yes, sir. You are a taxi.