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Funny Doctor jokes

A man walks into a doctor’s office with a stick of celery in one ear, a carrot in the other and a grape up his nose. Confused, the man asks: "Doctor what's wrong with me?" The doctor looks at the man and replies:
"You're not eating properly!"

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

A man's doctor told him one day, "I have bad news and worse news."
"Give me the bad news first," the man said. The doctor replied,
"The bad news is, you only have 24 hours to live."
"What?!? That's terrible! What could possibly be worse?"
The doctor's answer: "I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

I have this big problem, doctor – everyone is calling me crazy just because I love hot dogs …
That’s stupid, in my opinion – frankly, I adore hot dogs too, but nobody calls me crazy ...
Really? Great, doctor! Why don’t you come along with me and I’ll show you my collection!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

A group of doctors were out duck hunting, when a large bird flew overhead. The family doctor raised his gun to shoot, but then lowered his gun saying
"I am not sure that is a duck."
The Psychiatrist raised his gun, but then lowered it again saying
“I know it's a duck, but I'm not sure that it knows it's a duck."
The surgeon raises his gun and blasts the bird out of the sky. He turns to the pathologist and says
"Go see if that was a duck."

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

A neurotic is the person who builds a castle in the air. A psychotic is the person who lives in it. And a psychiatrist is the person who collects the rent.

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Doctor, doctor, I think I´m a bridge.
What´s come over you?
Oh, two cars, a large truck and a coach.

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him...
- Good, good, good...
- Doctor, what's good?
- Good that I don't have what you have...

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head. The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc , can you get this wart off my ass?

5
2016-09-14 09:54:51

Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts. 
Doctor: Well, stop doing it!

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2016-09-14 09:54:51

A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says,
"I've not seen you for a while."
The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."

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2016-09-14 09:54:51