Funny Woman jokes

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"

First woman in space: “Houston, we have a problem.”
What?
"Never mind." 
What’s the problem?
"Nothing." 
Please tell us.
"I’m fine."

Q: What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife?
A: One Woman Brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you Continue to do so.

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Wife: Can I have $20’000 to get some breast implants to make them bigger.
Husband: Why don’t you just rub toilet paper on your nipples.
Wife: Does that really work?
Husband: Well it seems to have worked on your ass.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.

1. Find a woman who can cook and clean.
2. Find a woman who is an animal in bed.
3. Find a woman with lots of money.
4. Make sure none of these 3 women ever meet each-other.

"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In a stork???!!!"

Q: Why do women live on average two years longer?
A: Because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.

Husband to wife: "I hear you've been telling everyone that I'm an idiot."
Wife: "Sorry, I didn't know it was a secret."