Funny Sports jokes

Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.

"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jacks wife Tracy."Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesights gotten so bad, Icouldnt see where the ball went.""Youre seventy-five years old, Jack!" admonished his wife. "Why dont you take my brother Scott along?""But hes eighty-five and doesnt even play golf anymore," protested Jack."Yes, but hes got perfect eyesight and can watch your ball for you,"Tracy pointed out.The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Did you see where it went?" asked Jack."Yup," Scott answered."Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance."I forgot."

Q: Where do footballers dance?
A: At a football !

Q: What goes 'putt, putt, putt, putt'?
A: A poor golfer.

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf. The wife talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest.
"How much is it?" she asked.
"One-hundred and fifty dollars," he replied.
She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.
"But it comes with an inscription," the pro said.
"What kind of inscription?" she asked.
"Whatever you wish," he explained. "But, one of the old golfers' favorites is: 'Never Up, Never In'."
"Oh, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place."

A little girl went to the Judge and asked to be taken away from her parents ...
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Mommy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Mommy beats me."
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Daddy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Daddy beats me too." Judge:
"Well little girl, who do you want to live with?"
Little Girl: "I want to live with the Cubs because they never beat anyone!"

I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said: "How flexible are you?"
I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired.
"Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." 
"Oh, that’s awful!" 
"You’re not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."

Coach: "For a while it looked like we really had a chance."
Interviewer: "Then what happened?"
Coach: "The game started."

Q: Why is a pilot like a football player?
A: They both make a lot of touchdowns.