Funny Police jokes

A tourist asks a man in uniform,
"Are you a policeman?" 
"No, I am an undercover detective." 
"So why are you in uniform?"
"Today is my day off."

A female officer arrested a man for drunk driving. The female officer tells the man:
"Sir, you have the right to remain silent Anything you say can and will be held against you."
The drunk replies, "Tits"

A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing.
"Officer," he asks, "have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?"
"No, I haven't. What's the problem?"
"The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!"
"Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asked.
"Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."

The police officer: "You were exceeding the speed limit, ma’am, weren’t you?"
The driver: "Yes, I was, sir, but you see my brakes are so bad that I wanted to get home before I had an accident."

Q: How does the LAPD play poker?
A: Four clubs beat a king.

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said,
"I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said,
"But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back,
"This is no time to be superstitious."

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!

A cop pulls a guy over:
Sir, why were you speeding?
Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunk.

A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says,
"Show me your ID?"
The drunk man, "What drugs??"

Police: where do u live?
Me: with my parents
Police: where does ur parents live?
Me: with me
Police: where do u all live?
Me: together Police: where is ur house?
Me: next to my neighbors house
Police: where is your neighbors house?
Me: if i tell you u wont believe me.
Police: tell me
Me: next to my house