Funny Latest Jokes

Can’t believe I’ve been banned from Walmart. Apparently when the checkout girl said “strip down facing me” she was talking about my credit card.

Q: How can you tell when a mechanic has just had sex?
A: One of his fingers is clean.

Can’t believe I’ve just been banned from using Match.com. Apparently "My dick", is an inappropriate answer to the question "What do you want most in a woman?".

Q: How do you confuse an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.

It’s a real shame that Barrack Obama recently had to give a speech stood behind bullet proof glass. Just because he’s black doesn’t mean he’s gonna shoot anybody.

A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

Men at 26 plays football,
Men at 40 plays tennis,
Men at 60 plays golf,
have you noticed every time you get older your ball gets smaller.

Until 1961 it was illegal to attempt suicide in the UK. The punishment was death.

If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Instead, there would just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.

Something To Do When You're Bored:
1. Catch a fly.
2. Put it in the freezer.
3. Wait 10 minutes.
4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious, not dead.
5. Pull out a strand of hair or a thin piece of string.
6. Tie it around the fly.
7. Wait till it wakes up.
BAM! Your very own pet fly