Funny Latest Jokes

Q: What goes 'putt, putt, putt, putt'?
A: A poor golfer.

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf. The wife talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest.
"How much is it?" she asked.
"One-hundred and fifty dollars," he replied.
She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.
"But it comes with an inscription," the pro said.
"What kind of inscription?" she asked.
"Whatever you wish," he explained. "But, one of the old golfers' favorites is: 'Never Up, Never In'."
"Oh, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place."

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

[Unlikely lines from a superhero movie] Just call the police.

A little girl went to the Judge and asked to be taken away from her parents ...
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Mommy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Mommy beats me."
Judge: "Little girl, don't you want to live with your Daddy?"
Little Girl: "No, my Daddy beats me too." Judge:
"Well little girl, who do you want to live with?"
Little Girl: "I want to live with the Cubs because they never beat anyone!"

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Good morning, doctor.
Good morning.
What's the trouble?
My shins, doctor. Look.
Good heavens. They're all hacked to pieces. Looks as if everyone's been kicking you. What have you been playing - soccer or rugby? 
Bridge.

Policeman: I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night.
Man: What's the charge officer?
Policeman: Oh, there's no charge. It's all part of the service.

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman:
"I'd like to buy a pink curtain for my computer screen."
The surprised salesman replies:
"But madam, computers don't have curtains!".
And the blonde says:
"Helloooo.... I've got Windows!"

Q: What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: "Is it mine?"