Funny Latest Jokes

Shipwreck diary
Day 1: Alone. Doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab.
Day 2: I have married the crab.
Day 3: I have eaten my wife.

I’ve just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. The first couple of chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it.

A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage.
The photon replies: "No, I’m travelling light."

Q: What do you get if you cross The Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can not understand. 

I want to die like dad, peacefully in my sleep.
Not like mum, screaming in terror in the passenger seat.

Q: What´s the stupidest animal in the Jungle?
A: The polar bear. 

Two mice chewing on a film roll. One of them says: "I think the book was better."

Q: What did the buffalo say to his son when hi left for college?
A: BISON. 

Q: "How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?"
A: "None, that's a hardware problem"

Yo mamma is so ugly when she tried to join an ugly contest they said, "Sorry, no professionals."