The cross eyed judge looked at the three defendants in the dock and said to the first one, "So how do you plead?""Not guilty" said the second defendant."I wasn''t talking to you" the judge replied."I never said a word" the third defendant replied.

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, "I dont recognize this court!""Why?" asked the Judge."Because you''ve had it decorated since the last time I was here."

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000."The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon ... "Now then, I''m returning $5,000, and we''re going to decide this case solely on its merits."

A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn''t true."I''m as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed. The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?""I do.""Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?""Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."