'My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.'

'I''m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that''s the problem - you don''t please anyone.'

'Fred: What''s that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head!'

'She''s so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.'

'First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that''s vanity? Second girl: No, it''s imagination.'